We spoke about her before she came.

I said 0, he whispered 2.

How many children should we have?

I dreaded that question.

It had been the deal breaker in my past relationships.

Since I was falling in love, I should have lied.

What real love is built on lies?

There was no need to make up stories of a rotted womb,

Or to tell the truth.

That Pregnancy & Breastfeeding were pages missing from my life’s planner.

What frightens you the most about having children?

We were taking turns to laugh,

At the answers to a couple’s most serious questions.

Maybe I should have mentioned mother’s heightened loathing

Of me and herself as her body bloated each month,

And even when I was shielded in the arms of the day nurse.

The less she gave removed from my being, any desire to inflict more pain.

So, at that moment when I should have disclosed my heart,

Who will change the baby?

Was the only excuse I could muster.

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