We spoke about her before she came.
I said 0, he whispered 2.
How many children should we have?
I dreaded that question.
It had been the deal breaker in my past relationships.
Since I was falling in love, I should have lied.
What real love is built on lies?
There was no need to make up stories of a rotted womb,
Or to tell the truth.
That Pregnancy & Breastfeeding were pages missing from my life’s planner.
What frightens you the most about having children?
We were taking turns to laugh,
At the answers to a couple’s most serious questions.
Maybe I should have mentioned mother’s heightened loathing
Of me and herself as her body bloated each month,
And even when I was shielded in the arms of the day nurse.
The less she gave removed from my being, any desire to inflict more pain.
So, at that moment when I should have disclosed my heart,
Who will change the baby?
Was the only excuse I could muster.